Vacation...

I haven't forgotten that I'm actually back to blogging. Really.

We're just out of state on vacation and I have much less time on the computer than I thought I'd have. So, I'm saving it all for when I get home!

See you then!

More Yard Critters

Forgot to show you these guys! This is the blue tailed skink that always interested in seeing what project my husband is working on in the yard.













This is one of the box turtles that lives on our land. We know we have at least two. The girls named them. Miracle has scarring on the top of the shell, and Glory doesn't. The one in the picture is burrowed down in tree roots, so we couldn't tell which one it was.

Interesting fact: Box turtles remain within 200 yards of where they were born. If you move them, they'll spend the rest of their lives trying to get back there!



We also found a black widow spider last week when installing lattice around the front porch. Last month I stepped on a big spider in the garage and hundreds of tiny baby spiders riding on the mama's back scattered everywhere. Our Orkin lady tells us it was a Wolf Spider - they carry their egg sac, then the babies, around on their back.

Views in My Yard

Here's a glimpse of my itty bitty garden. It's not happy. I'm still trying to figure out what in the world is wrong. I've harvested a handful of beans, a whole bunch of lettuce, some teeny tiny carrots, a few tomatoes, and a zucchini. I think next year we'll try to till up some actual yard, mix in a whole lotta compost, and try again! The land around here is rock hard red clay. Nothing likes to grow - not even weeds!

Just a little part of my front landscaping. Most of it is standard for our development, but I'm pretty excited the lupines I planted are actually growing!

Some of the wild blackberries at the edge of our woods.

These are the type of creatures I don't mind in the yard. Little ones.

This critter, however, I feel a little differently about! We think he's a black rat snake. In theory, they're good to have since they're territorial and chase away other snakes, including poisonous ones.

We've been working on some other projects that I'll share another day!

The Girls are Gone

I'll start with first things first. My three nieces have returned to Germany to live with mother near their father. Please don't ask.

Taking care of four kids alone while my husband was deployed was hard. Really hard. There were so many times I'd look around at families with a bunch of kids and they made it look so easy (hi Laurie). Their kids were involved in activities, dinners were on the table every night, no one wandered around with a half insane look in their eyes.... I just didn't feel like I had it even half together.

And part of me was resentful. A large part. Here I was, a "single" mom responsible for someone else's children. My own son was finally old enough that I could leave him alone while I ran errands or I could tell him to make his own lunch. Almost everything I did had to be thought out in detail in advance - shopping, meals, cleaning, getting to and from school, appointments, retreats I wanted to participate in, leading evening bible study...

It hurt me that people that saw me on a regular basis didn't see how much I struggled day to day sometimes. They didn't offer help when I felt like I really needed it.

Being domestic doesn't come naturally for me and all of the sudden, there wasn't just two mouths to feed in my house, there were five, and very often six.

There were three little girls who needed their hair done, who needed someone to heal the hurts they'd gathered in their hearts for two years. They needed someone to help them catch up on the schoolwork they'd fallen so far behind in. They ALL needed someone to teach them about God, and what it means to believe in Him.

It all just became so hard and so time consuming and just SO MUCH. I was angry at people. So very, very angry. Which is a different post.

Somewhere along the way I found my way back to the "Why I was doing what I was doing". It wasn't for me. It wasn't for the girls' parents. It wasn't so people would look and shower my family with praise.

It was obedience to that same God I was teaching all four children about. In giving them the stability and love they needed then, I was obedient to what God had called me to do.

Now they're gone and that is so much harder than I thought it would be.

Now I do what I should've been doing all along. I pray, seeking His counsel on what I can do to be that same love and stability for those beautiful little girls, even when they aren't with me. I ask for His hedge of protection around them, knowing that they've been thrown back into the same situation they left in January. I find a way to trust that He will answer that prayer, whether I see the answer or not.

Maybe I'm Here Again

I know - it's been three months since I've posted. I know - I locked the blog. It was just easier for me than to keep blogging, or to explain.

I was overwhelmed. So much of what was going on in my life wasn't mine to share. So much was going on, period. So much. The thought of just sitting down to write was overwhelming. The time. The energy. Time and energy I needed to give to four children who needed me so much more than the bloggy world did.

So. Now, I'm going to try again. Let me bring you up to date.

The girls have returned to Germany. My husband is home from Iraq. We're in the process of bringing home our daughter from China (NO - we're not sure when we'll travel). We leave next week for the whirlwind tour of the Midwest to visit our families and attend my high school reunion.

That's about it! Hopefully I'll get a chance to expand on each of those in the coming days...